Dear Fan Fiction
by David Noklevername
Summary: The Smashers would like a word with you. (Updates daily!)
1. Signed, Pichu

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay, guys, I'm sorry.

I know Nintendo brought me into Melee to diversify the cast, and bring a new playstyle to the series... And I just stole my cousin's moveset.

And, gamers. I'm aware of the trouble I caused you in my hurting myself during every electric attack. I have a confession. It wasn't a gameplay mechanic implemented by Game Freak for balancing...

I was emo.

Yeah, I did that on purpose... That is the sad truth. However, I've changed. I'm not the same Pokemon was before. I guess you'd say I've...

_Evolved?_

Signed, the Master of Electricity and Bad Jokes, Pichu.

PS, yeah, I made that entire story up for the sake of that bad joke! PICHU POWER, BITCHES!

**Hey everybody! Remember my old _Dear Fan Fiction _story? The one with _Kingdom Hearts_? No? Well, shit.**

**Anyways, this is a daily updating series of letters from Smashers to the fanfiction community! So, read, review, favorite, and always remember:**

**Use the Pichu Power.**


	2. Signed, Mayor the Villager

Dear Fan Fiction,

Hehehehe...

Now, tell me, dear writers... Why you view me as a psychopath? Now, I am not harmless... Saying I was would be a lie. And I do not lie.

Please, my dear writers. I am mayor. I do not need my reputation tarnished by accusations of psychopathy... If you would kindly stop writing fan fiction of me, nobody... Will get hurt.

And believe me. If you do not stop... People WILL get hurt. It may not be you. It may not be me. But I can promise this... You will regret crossing paths with the maniacle mastermind of psychopathy that is the VILLAGER-!

Disregard my previous speech.

Signed, Mayor the Villager

**Well, here's the second chapter! Remember to read, review, favorite, and always remember:**

**Never mess with Mayor the Villager.**


	3. Signed, Peter Jones

Dear Smashers,

IT HURTS YA KNOW! Fun fact. I'm not a freaking space bounty hunter, nor a reptilian tyrant! I'm just a normal guy! It hurts, being sliced, burnt, punched, and... Whatever it is Jigglypuff does!

Why do you always treat me as a punching bag? I'm a sentient being! Just because I look like something from your local gym with eyes, doesn't mean I am! Hasn't your mom taught you not to judge a book by it's cover?!

The worst part is, I can't even defend myself! Oh, how I wish I had limbs... Or some cool fire thing. (Hey, Nintendo, can I shoot lasers out of my eyes in the next game? Pleeeeease?) Even Jigglypuff has her stubs!

Signed, Peter "Sandbag" Jones.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! The idea for giving the Sandbag a chapter is from xxIAmTheSkyxx! If you want to tell me which character you want a chapter for, just tell me! And remember, read, review, favorite, and always remember:**

**Sandbags are people too. Punching bag-esque, fun to injure people.**


	4. Signed, Pit

Pauletena entered Pit's home, walking into his living room, "Hey, Pit, wanna go make fun of Roy- What the heck are you doing?" She asked.

Pit didn't even bother to look away from the computer, his eyes glued onto the screen, "_Internet!_" Replied Pit, "They love me!"

"Yes, though some of them love you a little... _Too _much." Chuckled Pauletena.

"What do you mean?" Questioned the Winged Hero curiously.

"Does the word 'yaoi' mean anything to you?" Pauletena answered with a smirk.

"... Nope, but it sounds cool!" Pit replied. Pauletena's response was a hearty laugh. "What's so funny?"

After her laughter died down, Pauletena sent Pit to the mysterious cesspool of a site, known as fanfiction. Net, going to the Smash Bros. Section, setting it to exclusively Pit and his friend/ally, Link. "Just... Read."

Pit did so, and, being the brave warrior he is, only vomitted five times.

* * *

Dear Fan Fiction,

Screw you all.

Signed, the _totally heterosexual _Pit!

PS, do _any _of you creepy teenaged girls know how sex works?! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT BIG!

* * *

**How do you guys like the style of this chapter? As with my last _Dear Fan Fiction _story, I sometimes experiment with the format. Also, I'm looking for a beta reader for my _Hunger Games__/__Battle Royale _crossover. Anybody care to help with that?**


	5. Signed, Wii Fit Trainer

Dear Fan Fiction,

A ton of you guys have been in this fandom since 2008. Some have even been with it since 2001! And I have one question for those people:

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

I've only been here since E3, and I'm already confused! Let's see who we have confirmed for the newest Smash Bros. so far! A plumber on shrooms, a bounty hunter (who I'm about 90% sure is a transvestite), some furry fetishist* (though at least his suit is pretty realistic...), a mute elf, an electrically charged mutant, an angel who can fly but can't, a seven feet tall turtle that breathes MOTHER FUCKING FLAMES, an impeccably dressed ape, an alien banned from every all-you-can-eat buffet in the universe, an Astro Boy reject, a chibi psychopath, a dictator of little alien people, and me.

Slender Man's hot ass cousin.

... Why the hell did I agree to this?

Signed, Wii Fit Trainer.

PS, at least I heard this cute Japanese boy is gonna be here... I like Ike indeed, hehe.

*** Apologies to all furries. You people are free to have any sort of weird ass fetish you want. Except feet. That's just gross.**

**I kinda like this one. What do you guys think? Sorry for the delay. I've been busy in pre-production for three stories, including the story mentioned in the previous chapter. And remember, read, favorite, review, and always remember:**

**I suck at keeping a schedule, as with literally every other fan fiction writer since the birth of yaoi and cheap parodies.**


	6. Signed, Ness

Dear Fan Fiction,

PARTY TIMMMMMME! WOOH!

Can you believe it, guys? I'm finally on Virtual Console! Congrats, the collective power of fanboy whining has succeeded! Can you guys wait to boot up your 3DS and download it-

Wait.

It's on the Wii U?

... Shit.

I thought people were actually gonna see my game for once... Well, whatever. We still have...

Shit!

Signed, Ness.

PS, at least I'm still in _Smash Bros._...

* * *

**No, I don't like this chapter either. But, hey, I'm a huge fan of Ness as a character, both in the actual games, and in the fandom. It seems like _Earthbound _is getting another chance on that system nobody I know has! Hopefully, next chapters will be better. Read, review, favorite, and remember:**

**Nobody likes you, Wii U.**

**PS, I want to go to other people's towns in _Animal Crossing_, but I have no bloody fucking idea how that works...**


	7. Signed, Mewtwo

Dear Fan Fiction,

I suppose many of you want me to make a triumphant return to the 'Smash Bros.' universe, however, there is one problem in all of that.

_I fucking hate them all._

As you may know, five Smashers from 'Melee' were discluded from 'Brawl'. There are reasons for that. Dr. Mario, one of the few men who could carry an intellectual conversation, left to find a cure for Pokerus, Pichu was sent to a psychiatrist, Young Link went into a coma otherwise known as puberty, and Roy?

We just plain don't like Roy.

I, however, planned to stay for the next installment. I hoped I could find another intellectual equal, as I did with Ganondorf, Dr. Mario, and the most underrated genius of our era, Luigi. Unfortunately, I do not have many positive things to say about the new characters...

Sonic? He was too slow, mentally. Lucario? An idiotic fanboy. Wario? A disgusting simpleton, who most likely laughs at humor as idiotic as... A fan fiction videogame parody. Solid Snake? Sure, he was a decent fighter. Though, he tried to eat anything remotely animal-like, including my fellow Pokemon.

In laymans terms... Screw them all.

Signed, your lord and master, Mewtwo.

PS, regarding the rumors of a supposed 'Mewthree' joining the roster... The next person to suggest that to me will get a force choke.

* * *

**Oh my god, I'm actually getting a story out on time! So, here's the character that literally nobody asked about: Mewtwo!**

**Fun fucking facts: Mewtwo is actually my favorite Pokemon. Imagine how ecstatic I was to see him in _Soulsilver_? I even remember his movie from back when I was younger! Now, read, review, favorite, and remember:**

**Mewtwo is the best jedi of them all.**

**_PS, _I think the new form of Mewtwo appearing in the next Smash Bros. would be freaking awesome. As you just read (well, the people who don't skip my author's notes read), I'm a huge Mewtwo fan. Also, how long do you think this story should be? I know it's not going to be as long as my last fan fiction of this genre (that was a whole sixty chapters!), I want to keep this brief. So, what do you guys think?**


	8. Signed, Jigglypuff

Dear Fan Fiction,

HAHA!

Who's laughing now?

Bask in the awesomeness that is... Jigglypuff!

... What?! Don't look at me like that, you little bloke! I am a fairy! Me and my pal Tinkerbell? We're practically frigging gods now!

Look at Link. That idiot fights dragons, right? He needs his bombs, he needs his swords, he needs his cheap-ass magics, just to put a dent into a dragon... Now look at me. I can punch out a dragon in two seconds with my fairy powers.

Those assholes shoulda gotten Navi to go on the quest. Then we'd get shit done.

Signed, the almighty Jigglypuff!

PS, if any of you ladies want a piece of the puff, call me. *Wink wink.*

* * *

**I think Jigglypuff should get a huge buff in the next _Smash Bros__. _to better reflect the newfound awesomeness that is fairy type.**

**For those of you who don't keep up with random Pokemon news (ha, _losers_!), the new fairy-type has been revealed to be super effective on dragons.**

_**Holy fuck shit that is kickass.**_

**Oh yeah, Jigglypuff will make you go to sleep. But this time? _You don't wake up_.Read, review, favorite, and remember:**

**Fuck Arceus! The almighty Jigglypuff is your new god.**

* * *

**NEWS THINGIES-**

**Time for some news thingies! WOOH! (Watch, as 90% of you skip over this section...)**

**I'd like to announce that tomorrow I'm doing a _Pikmin _chapter tomorrow! Yes, I'm sure you all wanted that! It's not like you wanted a chapter from those losers Metaknight and Ike...**

**Seriously, though, I appreciate you guys requesting characters. I promise that both Metaknight and Ike _will _get chapters, just not now, and not for a while.**


	9. Signed, Ronzcal

I have a message for thee, Almighty Beings,

Though we fight valiantly for you, Almighty Beings on the other side of the glass screen, we have suffered great losses. Thousands of our men hast been annihilated for your conquests, and, though we are honored to serve thee, have one question...

_Why?_

You command us through the being known as 'Captain Olimar', and we happily follow. Our only need is to please the Almighty Beings, and, as far as I'm aware, have succeeded. For now, at least... When you need us to assist you in surpassing a great obstacle, we shall happily and selflessly rush to your side.

However, we are not aware why you need us for this task. It is a heavy danger; especially those mercenaries... A behemoth of a wolf, the deity of speed and fire, and Samus?

Her chest is distracting, dammit!

Why do you do this?

_Whyyyyyy?_

Signed, Ronzcal the Pikmin Priest.

PS, despite what we've said, I don't want you to think that we're complaining... Beating up the Dragon King is fun. Our LGBT* soldiers are especially effective against him.

* * *

***No offense to the LGBT community, I just couldn't resist the joke. Hopefully anyone who would be offended by that joke doesn't understand it.**

**Holy fuck I have 3 minutes to write an author's note so my story is still on time. Read, favorite, review, and remember:**

**I cannot keep a fucking schedule.**

* * *

**NEWS THINGIES/SHOUTOUTS-**

**I'd like to thank Dr. Awesome for the kind words about my story. I really appreciate people's reviews and, from now on, I'm going to reply to every single review. I like to talk to my story's fanbase, though, with my more popular stories (such as this one), I always forget.**

**Expect tomorrow's chapter within the hour.**


	10. Signed, Pichu! (Again)

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay, guys, I'm sorry.

I know Nintendo brought me into Melee to diversify the cast, and bring a new playstyle to the series... And I just stole my cousin's moveset.

And, gamers. I'm aware of the trouble I caused you in my hurting myself during every electric attack. I have a confession. It wasn't a gameplay mechanic implemented by Game Freak for balancing...

I was emo.

Yeah, I did that on purpose... That is the sad truth. However, I've changed. I'm not the same Pokemon was before. I guess you'd say I've...

_Evolved?_

Signed, the Master of Electricity and Bad Jokes, Pichu.

PS, yeah, I made that entire story up for the sake of that bad joke! PICHU POWER, BITCHES!

* * *

Red sighed, "C'mon, Ditto! Stop writing whatever that is, and get in the Pokeball! I need to go challenge Mewtwo!"

Ditto grunted, than... However Ditto Move-ing over to Red, a frown on his face.

* * *

**Yeah, I made this chapter in two seconds. I just couldn't resist the awful, awful joke. Now, I have a question for everybody: are Popo and Nana brother and sister? I looked everywhere, and I can't find a single thing about it. Read, favorite, answer my questions in the review section, and remember:**

**Ditto are _everywhere_. Be suitably paranoid.**

**(Also, yeah, I know. I'm doing an awful lot of Pokemon chapters. Nearly half of this story are Pokemon chapters! But whatever, I'm sure I'll include a chapter on someone else everybody wants. Like, ROB. Everyone likes ROB!)**


	11. Signed, Pikachu

Pika pika chu,

Pika chu pika pika pika chu pika pika pika chu pikachu pika pikapika?! Chu pikachu! Pika pika chu pikachu chu! Pika pika chu pika chu pika chu!

Pika pika chu pika chu pikachu chu.

Pika pika chu pika chu pikachu pika.

Pika, pika chu chu pika pikapikapikapika-chu, Pikachu.

* * *

TRANSLATED-

Dear Fellow Pokemon,

What is with all of these Pokemon characters talking human speak so much?! It's ridiculous! They just keep breaking character! This is how we're supposed to talk!

They can't find out what we're saying.

They can't find out what we're planning.

Signed, Future Tyrant of Sector 8336-A, Pikachu.

* * *

**Okay, I promise I'm done with the Pokemon chapters for now.**

**Good news, bad news. The bad news? I'm going on vacation for 2.5 weeks, so updates will be sporadic. Good news? At least I'm telling you this so you don't think I'm abandoning it.**

**I'd like to thank everyone who gave feedback to my question last chapter! Turns out, there is no right answer. The developers seem to be have decided that you can choose what you see them as!**

**Today's question: who would win in a fight, Ness or Lucas?**


	12. Signed, Sonic

Dear Fan-

Ah, screw that! I'm in a hurry!

Okay, so, I was told to talk about what you guys write about me cause this loser Noklevername can't write his own stuff. No clue what I need to talk about. Don't really read fan fiction. Amy tried to show me some but the second I saw the description (something something 'Amy x Sonic', something something 'M rated' something something 'don't like don't read'.) I didn't like, I didn't read. Remember kids, it's your internet, and if someone tries to make you read fan fiction you don't wanna read, that's no good!

Hey, you guys remember that show? 'Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'? Cause I don't. I think I was high. Don't look at me that way, it was the eighties, man!

... I forget what I was talking about...

Signed, the Blue Blur!

* * *

**Suitably, written in five minutes.**

**As said in the last chapter, I'm on vacation. Currently in British Columbia. I've been in a car for around 16 hours in the past two days, soooo... A little bit grumpy.**

**I'll try to start replying to my reviews again. Speaking of which, holy shit, let's look at our statistics!**

**Reviews- 56**

**Favorites- 8**

**Followers- 8**

**Views- 3,888**

**Thanks, everybody!**

**Also, according to the viewers from the last chapter's question, Lucas would win in a fight. I personally agree. Due to the fact that they improved and expanded on the moves in _Mother 3_, Lucas has more powerful moves at his disposal.**

**This chapter's question: who's the best bounty hunter, Samus, Captain Falcon, or Wolf?**

**(Thanks to Koopalingfan for suggesting a Sonic chapter.)**


	13. Screw You All!

"So, you'll do it, right?" Requested Ike.

"Of course!" Boomed Master Hand, before snickering, "You know, that is pretty damned funny.

Later that day, Roy stood in front of the _Brawl _generation Smashers.

Solid Snake looked up from his poker hand, "What are you doing here, kid?"

Roy, his face beaming, said, "I've got a speech for everyone!"

"Make it quick!" Sighed Sonic.

"Don't worry. It's a chapter of _Dear Fan Fiction_. It'll be, like, 50 words, at most."

* * *

Dear Smashers,

_Holy Superman 64, guys!_

_ Guess what?_

_ GUESS WHAT MOTHERHUGGERS!_

I talked to Master H, and, he said I'm gonna be a hidden character in the next _Smash Bros_! Master Hand even told me how you unlock me! First, you complete classic mode as every single character, even... Even me? What? How does that even wor- ah fuck.

* * *

Ike suddenly bursted in laughter, "April Fools!" He snickered. The other Smashers laughed uproariously, as Roy dropped his script.

"B...But..." Muttered our crying boy, "It's... It's early August!"

"Hehe, you should see what we have planned for the actual April Fools Day..." Chuckled Ike, "I'm just telling you now, it involves a Nintendo Cdi, a balloon, and duct tape. Lots of duct tape."

"But..." Roy sobbed, "_Why?_"

Ike paused.

"Yep. Lots and lots of duct tape."

* * *

**Roy then cried for several hours, popping in a copy of _Melee _to relive the 'good old days'. Thought for chapter 13 I was going to show an average day in the life of _Dear Fan Fiction_'s resident butt monkey, our boy Roy. Also, you all asked for Ike, and, you've finally gotten him!**

**So, I'd like to give everyone a big thank you. You guys gave me _13 _reviews since the last chapter was posted. I'm so happy everybody loves my little story so much!**

**Regarding the last chapters question... The readers have apparently decided that Samus is the best bounty hunter out of them all with 4, Wolf coming in second with 2, and C. Falcon in last with 1. I'd like to disagree... I mean, Captain Falcon would lose due to his lack of range abilities (except for that gun he used once in a comic and then never afterwards), but Wolf beats Samus in all fields except defense and, to be fair, he's a very durable wolf. He has a better ship, better skills, better weaponry, better speed, and, in nature, wolves beat Chozo everytime. (What? You don't see wolf/Chozo combat every single day? Huh. You're an odd reader.)**

**Since everybody loves question time so much, I have two! One, who do you think is going to be included in the next _Smash Bros. _and why, and, do you think they're going to get rid of characters, and, if so, who and why?**

**Read, review, and remember. Never trust Ike.**


	14. Update,

**Expecting an update?**

**TOO BAD. WALUIGI TIME.**

**That's right-a! Waluigi's very own chapter! Because Author Man is a lazy bastard, (unlike the amazingrific Waluigi!) he didn't even bother to update for the past twenty days! Bah! Even silly little Viewer Monkeys like you deserve better than that! Well, Noklevername contacted Waluigi to write chapters of his stinky series!**

**... Well, he contacted ROB to do it, but, Waluigi go through Author Man's mail. Hehehehe... So, stay tuned! Waluigi give you... Three new chapters! In... In one chapter! Yes, Waluigi will give you THREE letters, one chapter! What a deal! (But Waluigi not give this deal for cheap. Waluigi expects 500,000 Bells. Now.)**

**And, unlike that stupid Author Man's version of letter mail series, Waluigi's shall be AMAZING! Now, behold, Waluigi's first chapter-thingie!**

* * *

Dear Fan Fiction,

I stink.

Signed, stupid poopoo green man, Luigi.

PS, WALUIGI IS THE BESTEST DAISY LOVES HIM MORE THAN STUPID ME.

* * *

**How did you like it? Waluigi put lots of work into that one. Waluigi spent a whole fifteen hours, just for that short little thing! (Author Man spend his hiatus... I don't know, applying makeup?) Waluigi wants perfection in Waluigi's work! Waluigi supposes Waluigi needs to ask question now... Hmm... Waluigi knows! What is little viewer monkey's favorite thing about Waluigi? (There are a lot of options, but, do not worry your little brain thingie- you'll think of something!)**

* * *

DEAR FALCON PAWNCH,

FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON PAWNCH FALCON APWHC ALFCON APWHC FALCON KICK!

YES!

SIGNED, CAPTAIN F. POOPEE!

PS, WALUIGI PAWNCH BETTER THAN MINE PUNY PAWNCH!

* * *

**What? Viewer Monkeys don't think Waluigi's joke funny? Fine, Waluigi will explain it for you simple minds. You see, Captain Poopee has a tendency to use that stupid move over and over and over and over and over and then another time, then take tea break, THEN ALL OVER AGAIN! It very annoying.**

**I guess Waluigi give you question again. Hmm... I know! Why Luigi and other Smashers stink so much more than Waluigi?**

* * *

Dear Fan Fiction,

Why you know write more Peach x Waluigi yaoi thingies or whatever they is? Peach lovesssss Waluigi sooooo much! Waluigi is so cute and smart and sexy and purple is so cute and omg I want to hug him and kiss him and whatever else is sex is in!

Signed, Waluigi's number one fan, Peach!

* * *

**Bahahahahaha! That is Waluigi's favorite chapter. And it is funny because Waluigi wrote this thing and it is true! This leads into Waluigi's next question. Why is Peach right in every single way in Waluigi's chapter thingie?**

* * *

**Waluigi write his own author's note thingie! Now, in regards to stupid Author Man's last chapter's stupid question... Waluigi think _Waluigi _should get new Smasher position! Waluigi also think they should kick everyone else out! Who needs stupid stinky Smashers when you have Waluigi? Maybe keep my friends Wario and Roy...**

**... What? Roy is Waluigi's best friend!**

**Anyways, Author Man want Waluigi to talk about how he got twenty nine reviews since his last stupid chapter, taking the count up to 98 reviews. BAH! If Author Man the stinky author man can get 98 reviews for 13 puny chapters, how many can Waluigi's _genius _chapter get? The answer? 98... _98 Bajillion! _HAHAHAHAH-**

_***BONG!***_

* * *

_**THE MESSAGE BOARD-**_

**Well, that was odd... Waluigi isn't even a Smasher! And... Wait. He went through my mail?!**

**So, a couple things I want to say. The first is, I'd like to apologize for the hiatus... It wasn't intended. Just, for most of my vacation, I didn't have internet access, or I was all like _"Ah, fuck dat shit! I said that I may not update... Besides, I'll do it tomorrow!"_. You can see how that turned out.**

**Now, a few more bits of news. First of all, regarding our stats.I have one thing to say:**

_**HOLY FUCK SHIT!**_

**Almost _2,000 _views since the last stat listing (chapter 12- Signed, Sonic), and, as Waluigi said before, _29 reviews _since the last chapter! This is... Amazing. Almost 100 reviews in 13 chapters! I'm so happy people are paying attention and enjoying my work.**

**In regards to the question, you guys seemed to love that. Here's who people think are going to be kicked: Sonic, Solid Snake, Mario (?!), Game & Watch, ROB, Lucas, Toon Link, Lucario, and, a _Star Fox _character. (Probably more were sent through PM, but that happened so long ago, I definitely wouldn't be able to find the messages...)**

**I can't disagree with Sonic and Snake. Sure, they were fun, and I'd love for them to stay in, but, a developer (not sure which one... I think Sakurai Miyamoto.) said that they want to keep the Guest Smashers limited and special. They were in the last game, therefore not surprising or special anymore.**

**Mario being kicked out? _No. _There is literally 0% chance of that happening. (Even disregarding the fact that he's already appeared in screenshots already... No chance.)**

**Game & Watch is, despite what many think, will probably not leave. Most people who suggest him think of it this way: _He's too obscure, and he's a terrible Smasher! _Now, good reasons he should leave, but here's the reason he probably won't: History. The game is about Nintendo and it's history, and he's an important part of that.  
**

**ROB is very likely to leave. Now, he, like Game & Watch, is part of Nintendo's history. But, he's not very important. Not nearly important as G&W. He, despite being a very interesting character, isn't likely to stay in, due to his obscurity, lack of popularity, etc.**

**Lucas is likely to stay, in my opinion. He's part of a sufficiently popular game, _Mother 3_, and has a huge fanbase. In fact, in _Melee_, he almost replaced Ness! (Though that was stopped due to the delaying and retooling of _Mother 3_.)**

**Toon Link, I think he's going to be removed. He even appears in a stage! (Based off _Spirit Tracks_, exclusive to the 3DS version.) I'm pretty on the fence about a _Star Fox _character being removed... If one is, it would be Wolf, who was clearly put in as an afterthought. However, remember Ganondorf from _Melee_? A villain, who played as a clone of C. Falcon, who was put in at the last minute, but was kept and retooled in the next game. _Hmm..._**

**And, as a closing note, next chapter is based off an infamous Hylian Hero, and will include details on my next Nintendo-related project.**

**Today's question: who'd win in a fight, the Blue Blur or the Blue Bomber?**


	15. Signed, Link

Gee, it sure is BORING around here...

I know what you guys need! A nice dash of real hero! Now, everyone says they want Toon Link out. And, hey, Mister Hand listens to his fans! So, he brought ME in! Gosh, I was getting tired of protecting the Triforce... I want a real challenge!

Wait, you wanted someone else to replace Toon Link? Well, excuuuuse me, Fan Fiction!

Admit it! You love me! C'mon, give me a kiss! (Unless you're a dude. In that case, you might wanna go see Princess Marth about kissing!)

Now, get used to me! Cause I'll be here for a long, long time. Or, at least, till the next sequel...

Signed, the TRUE Link!

* * *

**Message Board-**

**Don't get the joke? Here's who I'm talking about... yout ube . com wa tch?v=OE4 VkfYaP1w&l ist=PL1B7BC20 60D8E1FD9 and remove the spaces.**

**Sorry for the poor quality of this chapter. I've been trying to get this out quickly. It's been two days (I think), and I'm way too late. Oh, and, something big is coming up... Watch out for it.**

**WHOOPS! I forgot to talk about this last chapter. First of all, your ideas for Newcomers:**

**I just realized that it's kinda extremely stupid to let 'V. 1' Link as I call him protect the Triforce. It's obvious that he's very impatient and prone to petty anger. Think about it. Violent, selfish, rebellious hero, extremely powerful, being given authority over something that could, according to the intro, 'let the weilder take over Hyrule'. He could easily steal this part of the Triforce, and steal Ganon's.**

**In regards to last chapters question fan vote is that Megaman would win, with 3 votes, versus Sonic with 2. I'd have to disagree. As a reviewer said, power is important... But, so is speed. Sonic, is the fastest thing alive. He could dodge everything Mega Man could throw at him. Plus, Sonic has experience with robots.**

**Todays question: what do you think is coming that I'm being so ominous about?**

"I'M COMING FOR YA, YA BASTARDS! Hehehehehehehe..."


	16. Tabuu Has Formed This Chapter

Greetings. My name is Tabuu. This is a letter to the writers of what your realm calls 'fan fishing'. (I got that correct, did I not? ... Wait, did I eviscerate my editor? Probably. Hahahahahahaha. This is the part of which you chuckle due to my sociopathy.)

I do not know why I have been approached for this assignment. The Author (referred to by the citizens of Mayor The Villager's town as 'Lil D'.) must be very desperate, for I do not simply write letters. How am I showing you this message, you ask? It is simple. I have created a log of people who have read the previous chapters of the story known as 'Dear Fan Fishing', (who seem to share a common trait, which is a love for male-on-male intercourse.) and sent a telepathic message into your homosexual-porn ridden minds. You are simply looking at white static, instead of the letter you assume you're reading.

Hahahahahahaha. People are watching you. I just read their mind. They think you are insane. Hahahahahahahaha. You are such a silly maniac.

When the Large Men in White Labcoats put you into the rubber room and put a cozy straightjacket on you, tell them 'Tabuu' sent you. The other maniacs will know what you mean. You will laugh. And they will laugh. Then they will give you various pills. And I will laugh. Right now. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Signed, Tabuu, the Bringer of Insanity. And wonderful baked goods.

PS, Giygas told me to bid you a hello, and that 'it hurts so good'. Giygas is a silly masochist. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

* * *

**Sorry for the lack of updating, guys. Schools started up again, and I'm still lazy as fuck.**

**This has been one of my favorite chapters so far! What do you guys think? Oh, and, sorry to my female fanbase, for assuming you all like gay porn. Sorry to my male fanbase for assuming you're females who, in turn, enjoy gay porn. And, my female fanbase who enjoys Ike-on-Marth action? _You get no sympathy from me_!**

**One hundred and twelve reviews, and only 15 (16 when I post this) chapters! When I started this project, I assumed it would end around this point, just a little bit of filler while I get over this writer's block. But, this is on the way to becoming my most popular stories... I'm considering giving you guys a bit of a gift!**

**This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful people who have favorited and/or followed this story, Aya Anderson, Circifox, Destiny Willowleaf (can't wait until I can actually reply to your reviews! Turn PMs on!), Koopaling Fan, Maniac Biscuit, Minute in the Shadows, Number 15 Ugxs Dangerous Laugh (what a mouth full!), OFTO, Sekiun, Zephy Explosion, Bluey Green, Love 2 Game, Not telling the unknown, oh kayla sun, Iamthesky, Icee the Hedgehog, the Teenage Sketch Artist, Hunter Bear, and Mightygamer64! Without you guys having a terrible taste in fan fiction, I would've abandoned this at chapter 8.**

**Today's question: what's the best _Mario _spinoff?  
**

**PS, because you guys are so awesome: coming up soon is a chapter you've been waiting/pestering for since the beginning: _Signed, Ike_!**


	17. Signed, Red

A small Pichu approached Red. While Red prepared to run away (Red is diabetic. He can't handle something so sweet and adorable as a tiny Pichu.), the Pichu presented a piece of mail to Red. It read out this:

* * *

DEAR RED,

LIL D HERE! (Laugh it up, mother fcuker.) I'D LIKE YOU TO WRITE A LETTER TO THE FAN FICTION COMMUNITY. GIVE THEM A LITTLE INSIGHT TO WHAT YOU'RE LIKE!

NOW, I'M AWARE THAT YOU'RE NOT MUCH OF A TALKER. SO, I ALREADY WORKED OUT MOST OF THE LETTER FOR YOU! HERE'S THE TEMPLATE:

Dear Fan Fiction,

Signed, Red, the Pokemon Master!

HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? CREATIVE, AM I RIGHT? I'M PRETTY SURE I'M THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO WRITE A LETTER SERIES. SO, GOOD LUCK! I EXPECT THE LETTER SOON! IT'S NOT LIKE I FREQUENTLY TAKE SEVERAL WEEK-LONG HIATUSES EVERY SINGLE DAY, DO I?!

SIGNED, LIL D, THE UNFORTUNATELY-TITLED CANUCK!

PS, I APOLOGIZE FOR THE PICHU. WE CALL HIM 'MAIL-CHU'. HE'S OUR MASCOT. HE HAS THIS CUTE LIL SACHEL. HEY, WE NEEDED SOMETHING TO BRING IN THE FAN GIRLS!

... GODDAMN MARTH WON'T FUCK IKE AND SEND ME PICTURES. ASSHAT. BESIDES, I WENT TO THE JAPANESE SUPERMARKET DOWNTOWN, AND HE CAME WITH SOME A BOX OF POCKY.

* * *

While Red was a bit concerned with the numerous clear mental problems Lil D had, Red was happy to write a letter! He already knew what it was going to be about! A poetic, personal work. Yes, this will be super effective on the reader's heart!

* * *

Dear Fan Fiction,

'...'

Signed, Red, the Pokemon Master!

* * *

A true masterpiece, was it not?

* * *

**Yeah, sorry for the lacking quality in this chapter. Ya see, the joke is, Red is mute in his game, (which isn't good for character), but... Wait. Didn't Red talk in an earlier chapter? Yeah, he totally did! This is we- oh shit. Not again. Okay, I know I sound weird, but you need to close this tab right no**MISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSSINGONOMIS SINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGN OMISSINGOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNO**SHIT GUYS YOU NEED TO RUN NEVER READ THIS STORY AGAIN JUST LE**MISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSI NGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOM ISSINGNOMISSINGNOISCOMING.


	18. Signed, Ike

**Um... Sorry for that glitch back in that last chapter. I think we've gotten that cleared up. So, here is your regularly scheduled bullshit! (Now with no logical inconsistencies!)**

Dear Fan Fiction,

Hey everybody! So, that Lil D guy (and, believe the nurses who had to put him into hospital attire... It's a fitting name.) is out of the hospital, and he totally didn't get Tom Nook to bribe me to write a letter for you guys. Totally.

So, in preparation, I decided to read all the fan fictions involving me I could find! And I only vomitted... Six times? Though, they're not entirely wrong! Ya seMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMIS SINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGN OMISSINGNOMISSING

HEY THERE, MOFOS! This is a message to Master Hand, the fan fiction community, and anybody else who

Guess who's back? THAT'S RIGHT, your favorite character from the series, Generic-Omnipotent-Mildly-Threatening-Disembodied- Voice from chapter 15! THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME!

... And who am I, you ask? Doesn't matter, cause it's my chapter now, bitches! Nothing can stop MY wild swearing spree! Bitch fuck tits fuck pussy fuck cunt fuck douche fuck dick fuck fuck bitch fuck whore... Well, I guess 's censors could. BUT WHATEVER, this story isn't NEARLY meta enough to acknowledge them! (Wait. Missigno, did we just reference them?_ Yes, you did, Hand._ My brain hurts. Owie.)

I guess you're wondering why we're fucking up your crappy fan fictions! Well, I personally have two reasons. One, I like the attention Lil D's subpar fan fictions give me, and, two, because WHY THE FUCK NOT?! Everyone loves a good story arc-

_Hand. I would like to talk._

Ah, fine. But you're boring. You don't swear nearly as much as I do. And, as 'Family Guy' has taught us, vulgar = funny- OWWWWWWW HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?!

_Hahaha. Now, that was funny. I have a letter of my own._

Wow! Three letters in one chapter? WHAT A DEAL!

_Dear Smashers,_

_I am going to kill you. I am going to kill your families. If you do not have a family, one will be provided for you. And then I will kill them. And you will watch._

_I'll be coming later this month. (If Hand here isn't feeling too lazy...) I want a challenge. (Well, as much of a challenge as you idiots could give me...) so, prepare yourselves._

_Signed, Missingno, the bringer of death/rare candies._

I take offense to that lazy thing, ya know.

_PS, I wish I took over a less chatty body. Seriously, why'd I have to get one of the ten Nintendo characters who talks?_

Hey, I'm sure Roy would LOVE to be taken over... He's less chatty, too.

_Ew. Nevermind._

Damn right! Now, I'd like to return you to your regularily scheduled bullshit!

Signed, Missingno-Hand! (Doesn't have the same ring to it as Crazy Hand, don't ya think? _Please. Shut up. I'm getting a headache.)_

MISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSI NGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOMISSINGNOM ISSINGNOMISSINGNO

and I hope that clears that up!

Signed, your beloved Ike!

* * *

**The Missingno Boards-**

**Oh! Hey! Cool! I GET MY OWN MESSAGE BOARDS! I'd like to thank Arceus... And my mother... And my costars, for this wonderful gift! So, today's question: why am I just so goddamned amazing?**


	19. Suddenly

Dear Journal-Buddy,

Looks like that stupid fan fiction I'm totally not bitter about not appearing in has inadvertantly summoned Missingno. The World is gonna end. Even Master Hand is scared. Mail-Chu has started crying. (That's adorable, hilarious, and depressing at the same time.)

Haha, that's what you get for not letting me appear! EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIE, THANKS TO THIS FUCKING FAN FICTION! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wait. Everyone includes me. Well, shit.

I'm off to go attack Missingno! I'll see you after I'm done being plot relevant, Journal-Buddy!

Signed, Riley 'Ridley' Johnson!

PS, I'm starting to forget why I always sign my name at the end of every entry. You know who I am, Journal-Buddy! ... Right? RIGHT?!

* * *

Everyone sat uneasily in the Smash Mansion's main room. Popo started tearing up, "Uh, Nana..." He began, "I-I'm really scared..." He admitted. Nana patted him on the back.

"C'mon, it's okay... This story has too many views for Lil D to cancel it now!" She said, then looking over at Toon Link, "I guess you'd say I'm his... Support?"

And, instead of groaning at the pure awfullness of that joke (even on this story's standards!), Wolf, who was pacing around the room, polishing his Sci-Fi Table Scraps Gun at this point, grunted, "You're making awful jokes?! Nana, the world is about to end!"

Nana paused, "How would you know that?! This is a piece of fiction! The hero always wins! Always!"

Wolf set down his rag, putting his Generic Laser on the table, "This is a Japanese game, mate. And anime is depressing as fuck. C'mon, put two and two together!"

"SHUT UP!" Nana screamed, swinging her mallet at Wolf. To the shock of everyone in the room, she hit, drawing blood.

The Furry Fighter wiped the blood away from his fur, "Nice mallet, mate. Can't save you and your boyfriend when he co-" Before he could finish the sentence, Wolf was a trophy.

Donkey Kong jumped up, picking Nana up, "Ooh ah ah ooh!" Donkey yelled, causing Diddy, Ness, and Lucas to gasp.

Nana looked over to Ness, "What'd he say?"

"Um... Well... Are we sure Donkey isn't a sailor? Cause he has the mouth of one."

Nana jumped out of Donkey's arms and walked off, sitting down next to Popo. Everyone sat in silence, before Wii Fit Trainer spoke out, "Well... That just happened."

Nana sighed, "I'm sorry..." She admitted, "It's just... The whole 'Everyone Dying Brutally' thing has gotten me a lil stressed!"

Mayor The Villager stepped out of the shadows, chuckling, "Do not be sorry... It's always fun to see some violence..."

Zelda stood up, "People of the Smash Mansion!" She began, "We must not fight internally, nor give in to the negativity! We are all heroes, are we not?"

Bowser put up his hand, "Um..."

Zelda sighed, "You guys don't count! I just want to say that we're all warriors! No matter our tier, no matter our popularity, no matter what specious we originated from, we are warriors!" She announced, causing uproarious applause. "Besides, we're being protected by a god!"

Suddenly, a wild MISSINGNO-HAND appeared!

* * *

"EVERYBODY GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Ordered Master Hand as he punched through a wall, flying through the Main Room, straight into the door, completely destroying it.

Lucas walked into the wreckage, "Y'know you could've opened the do-"

"NO TIME FOR DOORS!" Master Hand yelled, looking around for Missingno-Hand, "I only have time to fully-complete my sentenc- GRAH!" Master Hand screeched as he was shot with a Finger-Lazer.

"BOOM!" Missingno-Hand chuckled, floating above the Smash Mansion's roof, "HEADSHOT!" He started writhing up in pain, "AH, STOP IT MISSINGNO! Fine, I'll stop referencing the absolute best game ever! _That's better. Hehehehehehehehe..._"

Master Hand grunted, "You... WHY are you doing this?!"

"_You know why I'm doing this_," Missingno-Hand replied in an almost robotic voice, "_You know all too well._ Oooh! Can I be ominous too? _Bitch that's my thing._ Aww, fine-"

"Enough with your incessant whining, Brother!" Master Hand spat, "Just answer the Arceus-darned question!"

"_You mean, you want me to answer, as if there were a metaphorical reader, who wanted to make sense of this idiotic storyline?!_"

Master Hand paused, "Maaaaybe..."

Missingno-Hand grumbled, "_Fine... It's all your fault, Hand! Your's!_" Missingno-Hand yelled, punching Master Hand, knocking him across the field.

"Argh... What did I do to you, you little glitch?!" He responded, sending several Finger-Lazers at the imposing lefty.

"OWIEZ!" Whined Missingno-Hand, "God. Shooting people is rude, ya know! Didn't mom teach you bet- GRAH!" Missingno-Hand fell, writhing in pain yet again, "_You are not welcome in this conversation, you psychopathic idiot. Just... Turn your mind off until I'm send you to attack._ Wait... You thought my brain was on?"

Master Hand sighed, "Brother, you always had a glaring flaw," Master Hand threw himself a punch, crashing Missingno-Hand into the ground, causing him to bleed, "You always attempt to be funny during combat. Key word, attempt."

Missingno-Hand grunted, "_You die now._"

"Maybe after I'm dead, you can learn some proper grammar."

"_YOU DO NOT MALK THE MIGHT MISSINGNO'S GRAMMAR!_" Missingno-Hand boomed, "_That's it... Hand. Perform the SNK Attack. Now._ Wait, isn't that a bit overkill- _NOW._" Missingno-Hand shrugged, (don't ask me how a hand shrugs. We have fan fiction for explaining bullshit like that!) and punched Master Hand, hard enough to force him down. He got into fist-formation over Master Hand, as an odd blue aura surrounded the leftie. Several seconds later (because Master Hand was apparently too lazy to just get up), Missingno-Hand crashed down onto him.

Master Hand died on impact.


	20. A Masked Man

"... Wow..." Missingno Hand uttered as he stared at the Master's fresh corpse, "Did... Did that just happen? _Yes, it did, Hand. Congratulations._" Missingo Hand paused, "You know what usually happens? What, Hand? They usually turn into a trophy thingie mbobber, cause Nintendo developers are pussies. Why didn't that happen now? _Because this is a T-rated fan fiction, Hand. We may be as violent as we please. See?_" Missingno Hand shot out a finger lazer, making a smoking crater through Master Hand's palm. "YES! Fan fiction is awesome! _I think that's the first time someone who wasn't a teenaged girl said that._"

The Smashers piled up out of the building to exhibit the wreckage. "Um... What just happened, mates?" Asked Wolf, who was at the back of the crowd, "I mean, I was just a trophy. And it feels like, what, eighteen days since the last thing happened? Whoever tells me what the fuck is going on really needs to stop being so goddamned lazy, mates."

Ness looked over at Wolf, "M-master Hand just died, I think... Is anyone here a doctor?!"

Everyone immediately stared at Mario, who sighed, "Sorry, Ness. My degree is in dentistry-a."

Missingno Hand chuckled over dramatically, "Now..." He said, pointing at the Smashers, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! Yep. Totally gonna do it. Right... about... now- GRAH!" Missingno Hand collapsed, writhing in pain, "WHY DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!_ I told you, Hand. We cannot fight them now. Goodbye, Smashers. Now, Hand, fly us to Subspace_." Missingno Hand grunted, "Fi-OW WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!" Missingno Hand screeched.

At first, the Smashers assumed he had collapsed simply due to Missingno's assholery. However, they soon saw both the blood dripping down the back of his hand, and the Masked Man who was gripping onto the sword which pierced Missingno Hand's glove.

Missingno Hand started shaking wildly, knocking the Masked Man off, "FUCKING ASSHAT. THAT HURTS, YA KNOW!"

"That's kindaaaa the point," Replied the Masked Man as he stood up, "You must be a genius."

"ARGH, JUST SHUT UP!" Retorted Missingno Hand, "If... I was allowed to kill you, I'd fucking smash you into a pulp, AND TAKE A SHIT ON THE PULP. I don't even think I have bowels, BUT I'D FIND A WAY!"

"Good luck with that." Chuckled the Masked Man. As Missingno Hand flew away, the Masked Man looked over at the Smashers, "It's been a while since I've seen you guys."

Wolf chuckled, "That was a nice shot, mate," Wolf congratulated.

"Thanks," Responded the Masked Man, "Anyways, I gotta go. I'll see you guys around the end of this story arc. Peace!" The Masked Man then ran off, going wherever this crappy plot takes him.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the cesspool of generic darkness, Subspace, two god-like beings sat at a poker table, "I...have...defeated...you...my...adversary..." Giygas said. "2..."

Tabuu chuckled in an odd monotone, "It appears you have not, my adversary," Tabuu stared Giygas in where he assumed his eyes were, "You may go fan fishing."

"Curses..." Sighed Giygas, "You...are...truly...gifted...at...this...barbaric ...game...of...go...fish..."

Tabuu paused, "Do you see why my joke was of the humorous regard?"

"You...made...a...joke?"

"Correct, my extraterrestrial pal," Tabuu answered, "I referenced a previous joke in the series of fan fishing letters this story consists of, where I referred to fan fiction as fan fishing. The viewers laughed. As did I. Hahahahahahahahahaha."

Giygas sighed yet again, "You...must...be...fun...at...parties..."

"Correct," Tabuu replied, smirking slightly, "I am shocked Mario did not invite me to one of his parties. You see, that is of humorous regard due to the fact that I referenced a work in the widely regarded 'Mario' series. It is known as a 'pop culture' reference. It is not funny in anyway whatsoever, but people laugh. They just do. Hahahahahahahahahaha."

Suddenly, Missingno Hand appeared, punching Tabuu hard enough to knock him across the room. "Finally..." Giygas said, "The...plot...is...here..."

* * *

**THE MESSAGE BOARD-**

**I'm so sorry.**

**I've been meaning to write this chapter for a while. Things got in the way. Me writing other stories, school work, and, more recently, my computer breaking. It probably won't be fixed until Sunday. (I'm on someone elses computer right now.)**

**Anyways, in the news section, I have a few new things planned. First is _Super_ _Smash TV_, a reality show in the Smash universe with the same basic style of this story, currently in development, due for release within October. So, if it sounds interesting to you, I'd suggest following me, so you get an email when it comes out. The second thing I'm planning is much bigger: so much bigger, I'm creating a second account for it.**

**Today's question: who is the Masked Man?**

**PS, over 10,000 views!**


	21. Appeared!

As the Masked Man ran away from the group of Smashers, a team followed. Meta Knight, hoping to find a new ally. Link, hoping to learn some new skills. And Luigi? Luigi followed because he felt like being important for once.

"Stop!" Ordered Meta Knight as he sprinted. This caused the Masked Man to stop dead in his tracks. Even generic side characters know not to cross Meta Knight.

"What is it?" The Masked Man asked, exhibiting the three stalkers/heroes.

"We want you to join us." Meta Knight replied. "Also, please do not listen to Luigi. His views/stupid acts do not represent this team."

The Masked Man chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head, "Um... believe me, guys, I'll join you at some point. Please call me by my alias... The Swagalicious YOLO."

The three Smashers paused, as the story felt the loss of 3/4 of it's readership. Link looked around at the other Smashers, "Is... Is this guy serious?"

Meta Knight kindly responded with a punch to the groin, "Link! You do not disrespect a warrior. You two, leave. I must talk to the Swagalicious YOLO alone."

Luigi and Link, (who's couple name is now officially the Green Ls.) nodded, and started walking off, as they both muttered a swear-filled complaint about their lack of lines.

Meta Knight rushed over to the Swagalicious YOLO, "Now, I would like you to remove your mask. Prove that you're an ally, not an enemy in disguise."

Swagalicious YOLO shrugged, "Schmeh, sure. As long as the Narrator doesn't spoil it... the big reveal comes in a few chapters, after all." Swagalicious YOLO removed the mask, causing Meta Knight to gasp in shock.

"Get... Out of my sight!" Ordered Meta Knight, drawing his sword. The Swagalicious YOLO sighed and shrugged.

"Didn't see that one coming." He noted, before sprinting off, eager to NOT be stabbed to death. (That's a TUESDAY thing!)

* * *

**Hey everybody. Just felt like giving y'all a quick, tiny chapter.**

**Remember that story I was talking about yesterday? _Super Smash TV_? Well, I decided to whip up a quick sneak peek. Care to give me your opinion on it?**

* * *

_**Super Smash TV!**_

_**Episode One- A Warm, Warm Welcome**_

A shadowy figure stood in front of a gigantic mansion, a microphone in hand, "Hello hello hello! It's Dark Link here, totally not against my will. I'm one of the two hosts of the new show on the Subspace Channel, _Super Smash TV_! Now, what's on the show, you may be asking yourself? Well, that's simple! _Everything! _We've got laughs, we've got thrills, we've got violence (mostly courtesy of yours truly), and, assuming the fine print on Marth and Ike's contracts are correct, yaoi!"

As a bus pulled in, Dark Link smiled, "Look! There's our victims- I mean, contestants!" The bus door opened, and a blue hedgehog jumped out, smirking.


	22. The Smashers

The Smashers stood in the Smash Mansion. (Well, all except Luigi. He had to repair the wall. With no bricks. Nor cement. Luigi had a hard time with that one.) Zelda stood, and said, "Now, my fellow heroes... and also Wario. We need to form a battle strategy, for if we do not, I fear we may suffer a similar fate to that of our leader, the godlike Hand being."

Ganondorf snickered, "Who died and made you queen?"

"That would be Hand, Ganon." Replied Zelda, "I must take over as leader. A directionless team is a hopeless team, afterall."

"Then why can't I lead?" Bowser asked, sitting on the couch with Ganondorf. They were on what was known as the 'Nasty Couch'. Not due to the fact that all of the evil Smashers sat there, but because, once upon a time, Wario ate a can of beans before sitting there.

"Because you're of the chaotic persuasion," Zelda answered, "Every monarchy in this room is either of that certain persuasion, or a dumb blonde!" Zelda paused, "No offense, Peach."

"I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!" Peach responded with a blank stare and a grin.

"Sure they are, Peach, sure they are..." Zelda face palmed, before looking back at the Smashers, "We must form a main group to survey and, if it must go that far, fight Missingno Hand. We shall call this group 'Team OP'."

Meta Knight sighed, knowing that he's definitely going to be part of this alliance. Zelda thought for a moment, creating a team roster in her mind, "The team shall be Ike, Captain Falcon, Marth, Samus Aran, and Link, of the 'Legend of Zelda' cartoon."

Whilst Meta Knight muttered about how he saw that roster coming simply by viewing the tier list, Ike put up his hand, "What?! Why do we get Link?!"

"Because he's an extremely powerful asset." Zelda answered, before whispering to Peach, "I just wanted him gone. He keeps harassing me for a kiss. I'm considering learning a pepper spray spell."

"Well excuuuuuse him, princess!" Peach responded, before giggling slightly. Zelda gritted her teeth, before looking over to the Smashers.

"Now, any more questions about Team OP before they descent for their heroic mission?"

Pit raised his hand, "Hey, why don't you go, Zelda? You've got those cheapass fireballs!"

"Simple," Zelda responded, "I don't want to risk dying a horrible, brutal, excrutiatingly slow death at the hands of a mentally silly Hand possesed by an obscure Pokemon glitch." Zelda paused, "Any more questions?"

The room was so quiet, that the crickets started playing their mating songs.

"Great! Now, Team OP, get the hell out of my mansion whilst I plan!"

"Not so fast," Said a being, hidden in the shadows, "I just stood in this corner... for 12 hours... for one reason."

"So you could make a creepyass surprise appearance?" Suggested Pit.

"No, you winged neanderthal... so I could plan... and I think... I should go with Team OP..."

"Well... um... sure..." Zelda stammered, "but, who are you, necessarily?"

"You're such an idiot that you can't understand who I am?!" The shadowy figure grunted, "I'm standing right here!"

"Sorry my shadowy ally, but I only understand narration." Zelda admitted.

The shadowy figure sighed, "Fine, fine... I am... Mayor The Villager." Responded the psychopath, as he grinned, stepping out of the shadows.

"Great," Replied Samus, "This creepy midget goes without an appearance for, like, 20 chapters, and now I have to deal with him."

The Team OP left the mansion, completely silent, knowing that, no matter what they do, they're screwed. Whether it's being killed by Missingno Hand, or it's being featured in a stupid letter-based fan fiction, they're screwed.

* * *

**Got my computer fixed, so, expect more frequent updates. How are you guys enjoying this story arc?**

**PS, remaking one of my early one-shots, _Adventures in Evil_, as a multi-part _Smash Bros. _series.**

* * *

Suddenly, a wild MISSINGNO HAND appeared!

TABUU tried to flee! HE FAILED MISERABLY!

MISSINGNO HAND used SNK PAWNCH!

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Enemy TABUU fainted!

MISSINGNO HAND gained 50 VILLAIN POINTS!

POKEMON BATTLE JOKES no longer FUNNY!


	23. Signed, Wolf

Dear Fan Fiction,

Well, this is bullshittacular, mates. (That's my new catch phrase. Ain't it brilliant? Hopefully the fucking censors don't fucking fuck with it. Fuck.)

Looks like that Crazy Hand thingie is fucking some more shit up. Let's see what he's done so far: skipped math class, loiter in the parking lot, (that fucking rebel!) and carved his and his girlfriend's (it's Navi, before you ask) name into Whispy Wood's skull. Oh, and he killed Master Hand, too. I guess that's kinda bad, but, there's no way he could top loitering. And the worst part?

He didn't invite me to help!

Signed, Wolf o'Donnel, that one idiot who's banished to forever be a side character...

* * *

**Writer's block writer's block writer's block writer's block. I think I may start wrapping up this storyline.**

**Well, here's Wolf's chapter. How do you guys like it? Is it as good as you expected? What do you mean, 'no'?!**

**In other news, almost 12,000 views! To be exact, I need 56 more views. _Dear Fan Fiction _is getting really popular, but I'm not sure I want to do it much longer. I have so many projects I want to be writing, and doing a daily (well... intended to be daily) series is getting in the way of all that. I'm sure it'll get to at least chapter 25, but, I don't know.**

**Question of the day: does anybody have an idea of something I could write for the _Smash Bros. _fandom? (If you give me an idea I like, I may write it!)**


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